[photo courtesy of @neelsvisser on Instagram]
Today, we’re going to do things a little differently because Lord knows my life isn’t all cute outfits and great shoes. As a young woman in college who is openly dating, this foreign species often referred to as “boys” and very rarely “men” infiltrate your psyche and just mess things up in there. This affects everything including the way you dress. So now we see where this can be problematic. Even us strong, independent, don’t-need-no-man-to-complete-me types fall prey to pure sorcery utilized by the millennial male. They begin to dictate how we dress, act, see ourselves- it’s freaking dangerous. How are we to protect ourselves?!
Luckily for you, I’ve created a 4-step system that will help you to remember who you are while you’re mixed in the company of millennial men. Before you say yes to that Tinder date, READ THIS!!!
Dress for your friends, not him.
When going out with someone for the first time, it’s easy to feel the pressure to impress them. Remember this: you have nothing to prove. They should be honored and humbled to be in your company. You shouldn’t feel the need to break out the heels and bodycon dress, especially not for your first meeting. Dress like you’re just going out somewhere nice with your friends. Wear something that you feel comfortable in so that you’re not picking at your clothes the whole time. This way you’ll feel confident and chill. Shop my pick for the perfect first date outfit below:
2. Say what you need to say.
Never, EVER censor your beliefs or morals to make someone else comfortable. It can seem a little aggressive and even argumentative to assert yourself the first time you meet someone but it’s incredibly important that they know what you stand for right off the bat. If they say something that you don’t agree with, let them know. It’s refreshing to talk to someone with a different viewpoint than your own. And if they say something offensive or something that makes you uncomfortable, call them out. Don’t feel like you’re being dramatic; your feelings have value.
3. Take it for what it’s worth.
This is ALWAYS the step I struggle with. As a hopeless romantic, I tend to blow things up and make them seem like more than they are. It’s very important to keep these new relationships in perspective and understand what outcomes are realistic and which ones fall more along the lines of fantasy. Just because you have one awesome date doesn’t mean that you’re going to marry the guy. Over-romanticizing new relationships can cause confusion and heartache that can be avoided simply by taking a step back and realizing that not every guy is Ryan Gosling or Dylan O’Brien in (insert any movie that these two wonderful creatures are in).
4. Know when to let it go.
Sometimes it feels like if you finesse it a little more, a couple of dates could potentially turn into a relationship. Sometimes that’s true. Other times, it’s just not. It’s normal to want to try to make something work with someone you vibe with, but don’t force it. If you’re putting in more effort, pull back. If they don’t recognize your withdrawal and try to fill the void, drop them. It isn’t worth your time and you don’t want to be that person who sends 5 texts at a time trying to figure out whats happening (I am so, so guilty of this haha). It’ll suck because you may feel like you’re missing out on something but remember: it’s never your loss and always theirs.
More stuff like this is coming because honestly, my life is too messy not to share in hopes that you can learn from my mistakes. Good luck out there kids, it’s brutal.